Top 10: Songs about pirates

If you spend even a little time seeking out songs about pirates, the first thing you'll notice is this: there are very few.  Almost none, in fact.  This guide should help.

Logan Whitehurst And The Junior Science Club - Bonebeard, The Dinosaur Pirate From Space
This does exactly what it says on the tin - 72 seconds of silliness.  Probably the Google-friendliest children's song ever written.

Tom Waits - Singapore
If there's one thing The Waits Voice perfectly suits, it's deranged, drug-addled rantings about stevedores.

The Arrogant Worms - The Last Saskatchewan Pirate
An extremely obscure Canadian novelty band, this underappreciated song asks the big questions of the age: why don't more unemployed people become pirates, and what good would they be in the landlocked heart of agricultural Canada?

Loudon Wainwright - Good Ship Venus
This song doesn't specifically identify its rogue's gallery of characters as pirates, but take a listen anyway.  Piracy would have been pretty low down the list of sins on the Good Ship Venus...

Edith Piaf - Le Chant Du Pirate
If you ever want to hear some Rs get royally rolled, good old Edith's pronunciation of 'brrrrigand' and 'corsairrrre' should tide you over.  Yes, I said tide.  This is about pirates.  Keep up.

Bryan Ferry and Antony Hegarty - Lowlands Low
I'm no Antony fan, but his voice is put to good use here.  Perhaps he should play second fiddle more often.  But singing, not fiddling.  Obviously.  Yes.

Adam And The Ants - Jolly Roger
Vagabonds and vexillologists of the world unite!  I like short songs and whistling, so this ticks both boxes.  Very few other boxes, but definitely those two.

Alela Diane - The Pirate's Gospel
Surprisingly gentle.  Definitely not recommended for fans of raping and pillaging (such as, for example, pirates).

Stephen Malkmus - The Hook
If you've ever been kidnapped by Turkish pirates, got confused about whether they could accurately be described as Cypriots and ended up graduating from lucky mascot to captain, this song will trigger all sorts of happy memories.  Hardly his finest hour, but the lyrics are at least ludicrous enough to liven it up a bit.

The Curse Of Monkey Island - A Pirate I Was Meant To Be
Probably the only song ever in which the protagonist (Guybrush Threepwood) wins the day by judicious use of the word 'orange'.

For the sake of completeness and aural improvement, here are five more superb songs which are almost about pirates.

Sparkle Moore - Skull And Crossbones
No pirates, just poison.  This appears on a compilation of favourite songs chosen by The Cramps, and therefore has unimpeachable credentials.  Don't even try impeaching them; you'll only embarrass yourself.

Beirut - Prenzlauerberg
In so far as it's ever possible to work out what Zach Condon is warbling on about, this song is very clearly not about pirates.  But it really, REALLY sounds like it should be.

Les Savy Fav - Our Coastal Hymn
No pirates, just a rousing set of instructions to be used if Tim Harrington dies at the seaside.  Take note.

Beasts Of Bourbon - Chase The Dragon
Pirates are no more than wet smugglers, right?  Let's just say that Beasts Of Bourbon have clearly misread The Dead Kennedys' travel guide for holidaymakers visiting Cambodia.

The Decemberists - The Mariner's Revenge Song
Does a fraudulent cad who happens to captain ships for a living qualify as a pirate?  I'm saying no.  Nevertheless, this song is indescribably fun and deserves not to be spoiled for the uninitiated.  Just remember to bring your best impression of being eaten by a grumpy cetacean when I force you to listen to my nine-minute Colin Meloy impression.