If there's a second thing, it has to be inventing and naming games. Step forward Major Walter Wingfield, three-time winner of most Victorianly-named Victorian of the year. For the purposes of this painstakingly accurate reconstruction, the part of interlocutor will be played by The Right Honourable Jolyon Tufton-Bufton Esq, pipe smoker-in-residence for the county of Salop.
J: Awesome game of real tennis, dude! Shame we had to play indoors though. It's such a nice day.
W: Whoa there! Incoming brainwave. Why don't we play outside on my lawn?
J: Lawn? Isn't that a bit passé? Why don't we try playing on this composite acrylic blend over here?
W: Yeah, I thought of that. But it hasn't been invented yet.
J: Bummer.
W: This game might really take off, you know that? Could be a smash hit, net us both a bob or two. We'd better come up with a catchy name.
J: Tough one, Wingman. It's played on a LAWN… it's a bit like real TENNIS…
W: I've got it! Sphairistike!
J: What the fuck?
W: It's from the Greek, sphairistike techne. Means "the art of playing with balls". I thought we'd better drop the techne bit to make sure it's really easy to pronounce. Keep it simple for the idiots.
J: Seriously? I assumed you were joking, or having a stroke. Don't you think it sounds a bit gay?
W: What d'you expect? I'm in the army! Anyway, we won't have any problems registering a patent for it.
J: Oh, good point. It still sounds a bit hard to pronounce though.
W: Maybe people could call it "sticky" for short?
J: Problem solved!
W: I guess we'd better make the court wider at the baseline than it is at the net. You know how Queen Victoria hates rectangles.
J: That must be why the earth is round.
So there you have it. Walter's patent for Sphairistike (pronounced sfee-RIS-ti-ki) was successfully registered, and the name "sticky" stuck for a good few years before lawn tennis suddenly seemed like a better idea. Spare a thought for him next time you head down to your local sticky court, sticky balls in hand.
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