Hello! Hypothetical moron reporting for duty again. Did you miss me?
Not so much.
So I really enjoyed the road races, despite the TV coverage. I'm ready for more cycling, and I've heard the time trials are next. How do they work?
This time, the riders will set off one by one separated by intervals of 90 seconds. The winner is the rider who completes the course in the shortest time. It's really that simple! Is that all you wanted to know? Can I get back to watching the archery now?
Not so fast! I have LOTS more questions for you to pretend that I'm asking. When and where will these races happen? Can I go and watch?
Both races take place on Wednesday - the women's race begins at 12:30 and should finish at about 13:45, and the men's race begins at 14:15 and should finish shortly after 16:00. The course winds its way from Hampton Court around south-west London and back to the palace again over a distance of 44km (with a reduced course of 29km for the women). I think Hampton Court is the only ticketed part of the course, so you can rock up anywhere else on the day and see the best riders in the world for free. Take a look at the course maps and get there early for the best views.
So it's all about times, is it? What happens if the organisers screw up again and fail to provide proper time checks to broadcasters? If I can't make it to the course, should I even bother tuning in?
You're right in the sense that watching a time trial without being able to see intermediate checks would be horribly masochistic. But I think the Olympic broadcasters have got the message now - even though the IOC is publicly claiming that their road race failures were caused by overexcited spectators tweeting too much! The women's road race benefited from far more accurate time checks and rider identification the following day. In any case, the time checks during a time trial are provided by computers positioned at two or three fixed checkpoints around the course, so (even if you rather generously choose to believe the IOC's explanation) interference shouldn't cause a problem here.
What happens if one rider catches another who started earlier?
Catching the rider ahead of you has no impact on the final result, though it's an encouraging sign as it obviously means that you're 90 seconds ahead of their time to that point. The starting gaps at the Tour de France time trials are usually two or three minutes, so we could see more catches in this Olympic format. When a rider gets caught, they'll be watched very closely by the race officials to make sure that they don't try to gain an advantage by staying in the slipstream of the faster rider. Doing this could result in a time penalty or perhaps even disqualification.
Do the riders use different equipment for time trial races?
Yes. Every aspect of the rider's kit and bike is fine-tuned to reduce weight and make them more aerodynamic. Even the rider's position on the bike will be different, as they keep their heads low over the handlebars to cut through the air with as little resistance as possible. Without getting too technical, look out for extremely tight lycra skinsuits, a carbon disc wheel rather than the usual spokes at the back of the bike, ovoid chain rings to help riders conserve every last drop of momentum out of a consistent pedalling rhythm and even tiny packets of gel taped to bikes to replace more cumbersome drink bottles.
I'm still a patriotic Brit because you're being consistent. Which British riders are competing? Could we win a medal?
Bradley Wiggins is the favourite for gold in the men's race. He comfortably won time trial stages of 41.5km and 53.5km at the Tour de France over similar terrain this month, and his background in pursuit events on the track makes him ideally suited to this event. The only cause for concern (apart from his sideburns) is that he might not have fully recovered from his exertions in trying desperately to pace Mark Cavendish back to the leaders in Saturday's road race.
Chris Froome is the only other Brit riding the time trial. Primarily a climber, he's made massive improvements in time trialling since joining Team Sky a couple of years ago. In those Tour de France time trials I mentioned, Froome finished second to Wiggins both times. He'd have an excellent chance to give Wiggins a run for his money on a more hilly course. Nonetheless, he'll still be expecting to finish in the top five and possibly to claim a well-deserved medal.
Emma Pooley and Lizzie Armitstead are riding for Britain in the women's time trial. A Cambridge engineering graduate currently studying for a PhD, Pooley won a silver medal in the same event at Beijing and has since taken gold and silver at the last two World Championships. However, all three of those courses were much better suited to her climbing prowess and efficient technical style than the flatter London course, which will probably favour stronger, heavier riders. On paper Armitstead is far less likely to win a medal, but perhaps Sunday's brilliant road race might propel her to another special performance - especially if she's been reunited with her lucky sunglasses…
Sounds very promising! Who are the other favourites?
Switzerland's Fabian Cancellara (known as 'Spartacus') is the Olympic champion and a prolific time trial specialist. You might remember that he crashed towards the end of the road race and burst into tears after finishing last, fearing that he'd broken his collarbone for the second time in three months and would miss the chance to defend this title. But the collarbone was only bruised, and his reputation for resilience was earned the hard way. Cancellara beat Wiggins in the prologue at the Tour de France over a much shorter distance, but performed poorly in one of the other time trials and pulled out of the race to concentrate on the Olympics.
Why is his nickname 'Spartacus'? He doesn't look much like Kirk Douglas. Does he pay a few other decoy riders to use the same nickname, just to confuse the Romans?
I don't know. It doesn't make much sense. At one point he was using "Tony Montana" as a back-up nickname, so perhaps the Swiss only allow partially-sighted people to go to the cinema? Anyway, shush, we've got more riders to talk about. Tony Martin won the time trial at September's World Championships for Germany, beating Wiggins into second place. It's difficult to assess his form as he broke his wrist at the Tour de France and missed both time trial stages. He started Saturday's road race but stopped very early to conserve energy for the time trial. If he's fully recovered from his injury, he should win a medal and could certainly take gold. As for any other contenders in the men's race, it's a very small field and that was reduced further when Australian star Cadel Evans was forced to pull out citing fatigue. Among the other 33 riders, only Luis Leon Sanchez (who finished third in one of the Tour de France time trials) and Sylvain Chavanel have a realistic shot at a medal.
Turning to the women's race, Olympic champion Kristin Armstrong (no relation to disgraced wristband magnate Lance, thank goodness) is the favourite to defend her title among a tiny field of 23 riders, though Germany's Judith Arndt should be hot on her heels.
My prediction? If you don't want to miss two British medals, you'd better stay tuned to the cycling on Wednesday. It should be well worth getting sacked for!
UPDATE
Women's race
Emma Pooley, GBR (number 6) - scheduled to set off at 12:57
Judith Arndt, GER (2) - 13:03
Kristin Armstrong, USA (1) - 13:04:30
Men's race
Sylvain Chavanel, FRA (8) - 14:58:30
Chris Froome, GBR (7) - 15:00
Luis Leon Sanchez, ESP (5) - 15:03
Tony Martin, GER (3) - 15:06
Bradley Wiggins, GBR (2) - 15:07:30
Fabian Cancellara, SUI (1) - 15:09
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